hm

well its not so much that I'm running myself down Lyssa... its the simple fact that all these feelings are there in my heart... and i have no where to express them... I'm hurting... in more ways than one... and I'm just starting to realize that i cant push them aside anymore... every time I'm upset or hurt... i cant deal with it alone... i always push it aside and start dating someone... if not a bunch of someones and just get my mind off of everything until i am over it enough to move on... but it the feelings and thoughts always come back... i know that I'm a good person.. and good things will come... and i know that i have my friends and family for help and support and love.. and i am more than grateful... i just think that its time i go back to therapy... emotionally I'm damaged beyond self repair... its been following me around for years... and i don't think i can hide the feelings and hurt anymore... and that's hard for me to come to terms with... i am a control freak when it comes to me .... and not being able to have enough control over.. well me.. its driving me even more nuts... I'm hurting... bad... its almost scary sometimes... when i just want to cry for no reason... or want to sleep all day... or lately.. cant go more than 10 minutes without talking to someone.... i hate being left alone with my own thoughts...

i love you Alyssa... thank you soo much for always being there for me... and being my bestest best bird ever! it seriously means the world to me...

MUAH