hmm...

Ok so your right... i have been sooo stressed... i cant take it... im beinning to start fights with nathanael! are you serious... i cant handle it.. i feel so crappy... its like a horrible cycle... i cant save up money because im living out there and i cant move until i have money saved, but i spend it all on gas to get to and from work everyday... i have a few friends that said i can stay with them till i save up enough money to get my place... but that would be a few paychecks! like a whole month, i would feel like a complete bum! but i know i have that option, plus i have to think about dealing with sevenns new pups... im so stressed, i honestly 100% think that i should look into seeing a therapist... i think if i dont do something soon im going to have a breakdown.. and thats in all honesty... i have no money, cant save and dont have time to find a part time job because i spend all my time driving... an hour to and from work.. i dont even think i want nathanael anymore, or maybe its just be being the way i get when im depressed and just pushing everyone away that says all the right things... he says im strong and im a tough girl, i will pull through this tough time and be ok...and he is right to say those things.. but for some reason im mad at him for stupid petty shit... and i cant let go.... im starting to hold grudges for dumb stuff for to long... and i hate it... how do people just let stuff go? like with in seconds?! i dont get it... im trying to teach myself .. im trying really hard... imagining my "happy place" and trying to look and the bright side and trying really hard to just let go... but im finding it to be very difficult... and i think these headache pills are a big contribution to my mood swings... if taken in large dosages they are used for depression medication... but at a very low dosage its used for headaches, well my doc told me to take one everynight before bed... and i just recently started having bad mood swings... and feeling like this.... i seriously think i should take something else... maybe hypnothereapy!!! they could find the real truth behind it all lol i just hate how i have been acting... i cant stand it.. i want me to be happy again... just me and my dogs.. oh and sarah is a good friends to me!! you would like her! she isnt wild and silly like we are but she is a sweetie pie :)