Ever feel like you just a road to better... like your the stepping stone for all others happiness... and you get left in the mud... ha kinda like good luck chuck.. ever seen it? you should! i feel like him.. but i don't think my ending will be happy like that... i miss Nathanael, and i feel like its a waste of time and heart... and johnny... well i don't even know what I'm doing... am i bored? lonely? wanting attention? i don't know! every time i feel like i know where i am, what i want.. where or who i want it from ... I'm wrong... it changes! i feel so torn and hurt, and I'm only doing to myself... everyone i know is becoming happy, with marriage, babies, new homes...building their lives and families... and I'm living with a family... I'm an outsider to all my friends... it hurts... i know I'm young and i have all the time in the world and such, but you have to see things from my side, how I'm feeling... I'm meant to be in a relationship, i hate being single... i like to have memories to share with that special someone and laugh and have inside jokes to laugh about... be supportive.. know what their most favorite food is and what they are secretly scared of... their private ideas and aspirations! someone to confide in and to share my thoughts and feelings that i would never tell anyone else... not even you sissy... sry, but I'm sure there are things you tell Larry and not me ..right?! and i don't blame you... he is going to be your hubby :) which i am more than happy about!!! i love you two! i just wanna have someone to bring home, ya know? i don't wanna settle... but i wanna be with someone... i wanna be wanted and needed..(not in a needy freak way..lol) humph! am i asking to much? to be happy? who knows..... at least i have my doggies :)
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