Update... lol

OK so its been a minute since i wrote last lol
Joel.... out of the picture, he got a gf... and waited for me to find out on facebook... what a lame ass!
and as for Johnny, we were kissing and stuff after going out to the bar... and he stops and was like, do you ever think that maybe we should be together?! (in my head, alot) out loud... um no... do you? he said he does alot... and his best friend beesley... well he were flirting that whole night, i like beesley too, but its something that will never be... :( oh and then Nathanael... well for the past two weeks we have been talking non stop... and last night he was drinking a little :) and he was just letting his words flow! lol sweet! my favorite time!! and he asked me what i wanted out of a man, and i said YOU.... he was flabbergasted!! didn't even know what to say, he said it was unexpected and that he kinda feels the same about me... that i do it for him... and what ever, i was so happy to hear those words from him, and to hear him say he misses me... i told him that i think by the time he figures out he isn't scared of commitment anymore, I'm gonna be gone, he was like oh what, by another man you mean.. I'm like , Ya! lol he was like oh so there is another man that can satisfy you and be enough for you? honestly...no... i don't think there is... but I'm not going to wait around for him forever, he lives in Cali, and i live in AZ... its a fact of life, how is that going to work? i would move their in heart beat... but i would want it to be for a good reason. not to be hurt in a few months... maybe i do have to be with someone else, make him wait on me for a change... so he sees that there is a possibility of loosing me... but i wouldn't wanna hurt someone else in the mean time ya know... just use them for that purpose, not nice! but i can already tell he gets a little jealous when i tell him about johnny and i... :) but on the other hand... johnny has changed a little in the growing up dept. and i do miss him...alot! so i guess i will just keep hanging out with him, and enjoy his company... if johnny even wants me back, he has a lot of work to do... like treating me like he did when we were first together ya know? not like friends... blah! oh well i have too many boy problems.... but know this.... i love Nathanael!!! SHhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! ;)