crying at my desk...

Like this is new.. right?
i woke up feeling great all weekend.. completely putting all my worries and hardships out of my mind and brushed them off my shoulders.. gone.. wrong... yesterday Sarah told me again about her moving into her bfs house and after that how she is going to be quitting her job and fly all over with him (mind you she is flying there to be alone since he will be flying) i straight told her to her face not only do i think its a bad idea because she barley knows him and she is to close to her family... i know she will be miserable and that deep down that I'm jealous.. only of the fact that while i sit here struggling i have to watch her get everything handed to her... and it hurts... no one wants to be jealous of their best friends.... its just so hard to see someone try so little.. and do so little with their lives and get so much handed to them... while i try and try and try... with everything i have and i still end up on my ass... why am i having a fucking break down at work!! its not even right... i cant even cry in the privacy of my own home.. wtf! i wanna come home... but i have nothing to come home to... i don't wanna sleep on my moms couch for months till i find some work and get money saved up and then find a place... no... i cant.. why do i have so much damn pride! i wouldn't even be able to start school for 2 years either... i just don't understand it..... all this stress is making me fat! lol seriously... i cant loose weight when I'm stressed out... thank goodness I'm not getting bigger.. just cant drop anything... I'm gonna look like a whale at your wedding.. especially standing near you and your mama...lol sissy.... I'm trying my very hardest... i truly am... i know i can do this... god is just giving me obstacles... i hate having my down days... i truly do... it will get better ... i know it... it has to right?! I'm trying all i can to look at these events in a good light.. I'm trying hard... but its becoming very hard...