So 1st off... YAY i got a few calls from Chris :) he was in a good mood.. even though he was totally lacking sleep.. but he was hyped up on vitamin C/B/D/E and any other kind of vitamin and energy source... lol he sounded wired as all hell! lol it was funny.. he took off his text and his guys saw my pictures in it lol (back story i told Chris that when creepos come talk to me i say my bf is over seas... so therefore my boyfriend when needed lol) so naturally they ask who the pictures are of and Chris is like what? and his cousin tells them that's his gf when needed lol they are like... um explain hahaha then his cousin (Ricky has a long time gf back home) tells Chris... ill trade you pictures! lol at least now i know im cute right? saves me the effort of having to ask... lol jk
so last night Nathanael calls me... he is on a road trip beck to LA from visiting family... well he tells me that since we have been talking all this time that he isn't confused anymore and that he seriously wants to be friends and hang out and all that crap... because before when he was playing Trisha and i he had just gotten out of that relationship and Trisha was trying to hold him down into a relationship.. and what he didn't know is that i was fine doing what we were doing... hanging out... had a good time and respected each others space... and he said he was treating me like he was treating Trisha.. and that now he knows that I'm not trying to pin him down.. and so on blah blah blah.. only thing is that before it was right after johnny and i split.. girl i have not had a bf since! and i honestly want one!! I'm glad he has been more of a man.. and has been honest with me... but i told him as a friend its going to take a lot more promises for him to keep and truths for me to trust and believe him again... hes laughed and agreed...
i miss him... i wish he were ready for a relationship.. but i guess its a good thing since I'm going to be going off to school soon enough.. maybe I'm not meant to be with anyone... not till school is over.. maybe i should give up my morals and just have a ... "buddy" what do you think? see when Nathanael and i were together we did everything like bf and gf but it was better... no attachment.. when it came to the bf/gf words ... ya know? it was perfect for me at the time... but now I'm all fucked up and i don't know what i want either way with anyone... I've been saying all this time i know what i want.. and really i don't... and to be honest that scares me.. holding to myself has just found to be easier ya know? i think its a good thing the ones I'm interested in are so far away... that way i don't hurt myself all over and over again... like Nathanael and johnny... whats the deal with Chris then... why cant i have him.. here.. as my friend? why does he have to be stuck out in that hell hole :( hmm...
well at least i have life to look forward to... Chris coming home... my best friends and family and school.. oh yea and work lol sorry I'm always talking about school and stuff... usually when i do its because i need a moral booster.. and school just makes me happy... makes me feel like I'm someone important... first time since choir and swimming... I'm actually starting to feel good about the things I'm doing... and i like it..
well I'm off to do some work :(
Love you!
Miss You Chris!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
you asked so here it is. I think, no! I KNOW that you and Johnny and you and Nathanel need to remain JUST friends! You may have those days where you want a boyfriend, but it can't be one of those guys. You have had too much drama with Johnny and Nathanel straight up treated you like shit. Its great that you maintained a friendship with them after "the break up" but thats what you need to keep it at, even if they ever do decide to grow up one of these days. They just weren't right for you in that way.
Post a Comment