so yesterday i got my pictures back from my photo shoot, i only have the rest of the day to choose the 8 i wanna get the JPEGS for... my agent gets all of them though... i was so happy... then i get a phone call from my doctor.... i had had a womanly appointment last week... well they had said everything was fine the other day.. it all came back great! and then yesterday she said i have HPV.... she scared the living shit out of me... i read up on it... i should be fine.. i have an appointment with a gyno specialist..and i have to go through treatments.. sissy there is a vaccine for this, its called gardisil i believe.. PLEASE go to your doctor and get it... there are about 100 different kinds of it... I'm scared, and hurt, i feel so violated and gross... its a virus.. not an STD.. but once its in your blood stream it will always be there :( I'm a good girl sissy.. I'm a freaking PRUDE for god sakes! I've been with two guys in the whole two years since i left... i dont ever want to have sex... never... i don't want anyone to touch me.. or come near me... i don't want to see billy anymore.. i don't want to date... i want to crawl into a ball and die... i know.. dramatic right.. but i feel so ashamed... i did nothing wrong yet i still get punished! i don't know what god wants from me... WHAT!! i don't understand.... i wanna come home....
my doctor made me feel like i had AIDs or something.. and its no where close.. ugh.. my friend missy said that she was born with it because her mom had it... and she had this procedure done that freezes the outside of your cervix and it kills the pre cancerous cell... and she has been fine for 7 years now... nothing re occuring... i should be fine then too right? it was just caught! im fine.... ill be fine..... right?! i need you sissy
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sweetie you are going to be fine. I've heard of HPV, and my mom actually wants me to get injected with whatever they have out nowadays to protect our systems. My state benefits don't cover it, and it will cost me $100. But I will get it when I go and get health insurance. I found out that anyone is eligible for food stamps and health and dental insurance if you make less that $2000 a month... Im so going on friday morning to make an appointment to see if I can get this stuff. Don't worry, you will be fine! You said so yourself that your friend had that procedure done and she is just fine... so will you sister.. I love you and no you dont have AIDS or anything like that. Get that out of your mind right now! Your fine!
<3 Birdie A
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